Stuff It, The Akatsuki Are My Cats!
by EmprezzMystique
Summary: When Sakura finds 10 oddly coloured cats dying in the rain, she recognises them immediately. Akatsuki. But she takes them in and looks after them, keeping their presence a secret because they were just mere kittens dying in front of her. And at first, it was just helping them survive, but soon it became love. "Hidan! Why are my tampons on the floor!" Very weird love, indeed.
1. Chapter 1

**_Prologue_**

"They've protected me, loved me, cared for-" The blonde boy cut her off, eyes furious.

"We did that, too!" He just...didn't get it. In her eyes, he was ruining her love life and their friendship. But, in his eyes, he was protecting her.

"You never believed in me!" She screamed, and tears leaked out of her eyes before 2 figures came up and hugged her from behind, stopping her tears immediately. The blonde immediately glared at the two, but they did nothing to move; in fact, more of them came up to comfort her with sweet words. Ignoring her last words, the blonde tried to get her to understand his point of view.

"But they're criminals! You can't be seen with them!" There. He said it. He saw something flash in her beautiful eyes, and thought he had won. But then again, things never go to plan.

"Then I shall become a criminal for them." His eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets, but the girl didn't care. Instead, she turned to her friends, silently asking the leader her request. With a nod from him, she smiled.

"WHAT?! NO! YOU CAN'T LEAVE WITH THE AKATSUKI!" The girl did nothing except smile and shake her head sadly.

"Goodbye, Naruto." They loved her, and she loved them, but in her village, her country, and their world, their love was forbidden.

So both of them disappeared. Together.

* * *

><p>"Aww, shit!" I mumbled, walking into my house quickly as I balanced the large box and shopping bags in my hands. Luckily, I made it inside without anything falling, although I could've sworn they were fighting inside the box. I placed the bags down on the floor, packing them away in the closet quickly before the cats knocked the stone off of the box from the inside, before picking the large, cardboard box up and bringing into my soundproof training room that had only one door.<p>

"Here," I sighed, sitting down on the floor as I placed the box on the coffee table I used for relaxation after training. Almost instantly, 10 balls of fur jumped out, although some decided to do it in one swift move and not jump around crazily like the others had when they got out. I groaned as an orange cat hissed and they all settled down, their eyes focused on me. "Okay, so you guys belong to me now," I stated, rolling my eyes at the glares I received. "What? You want me to throw you guys back into the cold? No? Well, then, listen to me! I know that you are all fully trained by the way you guys are listening, but you guys don't have an owner, so I'm keeping you 10 unless you want to be given up for adoption." I saw the glints in their eyes and smirked slightly as I continued. "But right now all of you are the size of kittens, look like normal kittens, and don't seem special so you're probably just going to be on the streets as opposed to staying here with me." I saw them narrow their eyes, but they all nodded slowly, apparently not wanted to be chucked out into the rain again.

"…Okay, we're doing names first!" I growled as I rubbed my head tiredly.

I picked up the only girl cat there-a cute, dark blue one- and put her on my left, despite the obvious hisses of annoyance from their apparent leader. "Okay, you're a cutie!" I squealed, petting her softly. I giggled slightly when she moved closer nudging me softly for more pats. I could feel the orange cat glaring at me while a heard a few cat-like snickers from the back.

"Dude, I'm not gonna hurt your girlfriend!" I growled at him, and the said girlfriend stopped playing with me, looking at me with shocked cat eyes. The others, however, had different reactions. The 'boyfriend' of the cute little cat next to me seemed to narrow his eyes and hiss at me, but the rest just seemed to laugh; some, two red and black cats in particular, seemed to remain the same, but flashes of amusement were seen in their eyes.

"Hmph, whatever!" I turned my attention back on the slightly embarrassed girl. "Hmm, I think your name will be Fuyu, Fuyu no Hana." I stated, and she looked up at me curiously. "You look like winter cat, and you have flowers in your fur." I shrugged before picking up another cat and placing him in front of me; it was another blue cat, but this one was light blue and obviously male.

"What about you?" I pondered, tapping my chin slightly. "Hmm, maybe Mizuki. Yeah, Mizuki sounds nice…" I mumbled, putting the cat back onto the table. He immediately walked towards the quiet, black cat, laying down lazily when he reached him.

"What should I name you?" I questioned, holding up a silver cat. It seemed to be the one that was outrageously loud and kept on picking fights with the others. I smirked, finding a random name. "I'll name you Katsumi!" I saw the cat's jaw drop instantly at the lack of thoughtfulness in my gaze, and felt Fuyu pawing me on the outside of my thigh.

"Hm?" I turned to look at the cat, giggling slightly at her confused look. "I'm just naming them now; you're the only one I really gave thought to." I shrugged, laughing full out at the girl's slightly smug look.

"Uh, you, black cat over there with Mizuki! Yes, you!" I shouted, rolling my eyes as the cat made a similar noise to my teammate's 'Hn'. "Your name is Kuro!" When I saw the cats roll their eyes at the unoriginality, I glared. "Stop that, or all of you except Fuyu will be named or renamed Fluffy!" Needless to say, they were silenced immediately.

"Oh, and Kuro? Come here," When the cat didn't move, I turned to Fuyu.

"Get him," I pointed to the orange cat discreetly. "To make Kuro come here. They only listen to him, and he only listens to you." Ignoring her slight embarrassment, Fuyu jumped over to her 'boyfriend', asking him to get Kuro for me. I rolled my eyes at the slight hiss he sent my way, but was delighted when Kuro was hissed at and jumped over to me, closely followed by Fuyu.

"Here," I whispered, putting my hand in front of his eyes despite the way he kept on clawing me. "Dude, you have perfect vision now, but you won't after 6. Let me heal them now, when I'm sober." I mumbled in his ears, making sure to be quiet enough so that no other cat heard me. Slowly, Kuro put down his claws and moved his head to look at me, face slightly confused and shocked. A moment passed and I smiled, lifting my hand to heal his eyes.

"Okay, you can go back to your friends now, Kuro!" But the cat didn't seem to want to, instead laying down on my right, opposite to Fuyu. *Sigh* I guess he wants pats now.

"Okay…Oi, red one! Your name is Akane, okay? And I don't care about how I'm naming you after colours anymore, got that? But if you laugh at me one more time, then I won't name you guys Fluffy, I'll name you after friggin' rainbows and butterflies!" When I saw the black cat with orange paws and face light up, I raised an eyebrow, smirking. "But I'll name you after the devil." It looked horrified and ran to the corner of the table, while Katsumi paw-fived a yellow cat.

"Hmm, you, the one paw-fiving Katsumi," I started, immediately feeling the weird looks I got from them. "You're cats, okay? I'm calling it paw-fiving! Oh, and Blondie's name is Akemi." I heard a few snickers from Katsumi before Akemi raised his paw and whacked him on the head. Just as Katsumi moved to hit him back, Akemi jumped off the table into my arms. I just rolled my eyes, and picked the yellow cat up to look into them. "I should put you back down, but I don't want to have one of my new cats dying today, since I'm gonna start using you guys for missions." I giggled at the relieved look Akemi shot me before picking him, Fuyu and Kuro up to walk into the kitchen. I left the door slightly open to see them and make sure they weren't fighting because I sure as hell knew I wasn't going to let one die or run away. Not that they would run away; I found them half dead in a soaking wet cardboard box.

"I'm just getting some things, guys, you can stay there! I only took these three cause they were hanging onto me! Oh, and Katsumi? Your scythe and necklace are in the box; they're smaller though!" I called from the kitchen. Somehow, I knew they were questioning how I knew they were his. "You were looking for something around your neck and on your back, Katsumi!"

"Hey, do you guys wanna drink?" I asked the three, placing them on the bench and telling them to stay once they shook their heads. "Eh, suit yourself! I'mma get drunk before 6, though." And then, motioning for the three to jump onto my head, I walked out of the room carrying 24 sake bottles.

"Anyways," I muttered, popping one bottle open and chugging it down, smirking at Mizuki, who was suddenly drooling. "Uh, the one I'm meant to name after the devil!" I called, not surprised to see him perk up instantly. "I'll name you Akihiko!" His eyes widened, and Akihiko seemed to come running at me before Katsumi whacked him with the blunt edge of his now miniature cat-version scythe.

"Umm, girlfriend of my favourite cat!" I suddenly got the feeling I was being glared at and turned to the orange cat, while opening my 15th bottle. "Yeah, yeah, whatever! YournameisTeiji!" I slurred, suddenly feeling the effects of the sake kick in. My healing chakra had done good to keep me from getting drunk so far, but I always get drunk after my 14th.

"AndStitchesCatoverhereisnamedTomiko! Okay? Tooomiiikkooooo!" I don't actually think they caught the first part, but they had to hear his name, right?

"Andlastlytheblackandwhitecat! Yay! You are Shiro, got that?" I asked the cat, using Inner-who never seemed to get drunk-to speak for me. "Don't let your dark side take control, 'kay?" I asked, smiling lightly when I saw the shocked expression and slight nod from the cat.

"Okay, now that that's done with, Kuro Kura, what's the time?" I asked aloud, although I was speaking to Inner-not my new, beautiful black ninja cat.

"_**5:55, Kura. They're gonna come out soon. Oh, and do you want me to call you Shiro Kura from now on?"**_ For some reason, whenever I'm drunk, Kuro Kura's nicer to me. Maybe she doesn't want to start fights with me when I'm drunk since I'll run around screaming at myself like a lunatic, but whatever…

" '_Kay, babe. And it's fine; Kura's fine. Thanks!"_ And then I felt Inner just wander back into my mind. I didn't care, however, because the alcohol just got the best of me.

"Guess what, Konoha 11, Duck Ass?! I'm housing the fu*king Akatsuki!" I screamed, and I knew I was going to be happy that I had soundproofed this room when I was once again sober. "They're my fu*king cats now! The Akatsuki are damned cats! And they can't do anything about it! Hehe, stupid idiots thinking that when you revive yourself you'll turn back to normal; you got turned into goddamned cats!" I was dancing around the room now, pretending not to see the shocked looks on the group's faces.

"_Tiiiiiiiimmmmmme?"_

"_**5:57. 3 more minutes, Kura."**_

"_Wonderful, babe."_

"And they thought I wouldn't notice! Hah! Who wouldn't notice a group of 10 cats that stick together with a partner? And your colours give you away too! I mean, what kind of cat is half black and half white with green ears? A cat that is Zetsu, of course! And Konan, Fuyu, whatever, has a flower on her ear and is the same colour as her hair! And daaayyuuuuummmm, Itachi just looks plain evil!" I yelled, turning around to see the cats looking at each other frantically.

"_**5:58."**_

"Besides, who wouldn't notice if an orange cat with piercings in his ears had the Rinnegan, or if a pitch black cat with really, really long hair had the Sharingan? And Hidan has his scythe, too! I mean, it's a cute miniature version, but it's still the same! And your damn attitude hasn't changed either, Sasori! Friggin' hostile bit*h. You were the one tthat was trying to kill me; I was defending myself..." I muttered, glaring at the red cat that glared right back at me. "And Kakuzu still has those stitches and obsesses over money, too! The dude even shook his head when he saw my grocery receipt!" I was swaying, but still going on strong.

"I haven't fought any of you except for Sasori of the emotionless facade, let alone seen you in person, but seriously! Your characteristics are a dead giveaway! Hell, Deidara still has mouths on his paws and a stitched one on his stomach!" I was just shouting at them now, pointing at them as if it was their fault. It kind of was, seeing as they were the ones that had wanted to revive themselves. But then again, it was just like it wasn't my fault for spouting this sh*t; it was the alcohol's, but mine for drinking it.

"_**5:59."**_

"Ahh, you're gonna go back to normal again! Well, fu*k it! I've had that jutsu cast on me before-a prevention one instead-, so if I die by your hands, I'll become a motherfu*king kitty too! So suck on that, you bastards!My form is a motherfu*king tiger, though, but that's only because everyone felt sorry for me since they all thought I was weak and I was gonna die! Well guess what, you stupid bitches?! The Akatsuki belong to me! They are my cats now! No one is going to fu*k with me now!"

"_**6:00! Sakura, honey, they've changed!"**_ And as if to prove her right, 10 poof noises were heard, all occurring simultaneously.

"Fu*k yeah!" I screamed, twirling around with joy in my alcohol induced state. "Well, remember not to kill me because I have a big ass dog! He's just hanging out with Akamaru right n-what the fu*k? Why are you guys naked?! No one told me any fu*king sh*t about that!" I screamed as the smoke cleared. Suddenly, I let out a long wolf whistle. "But damn! Your bodies are sweet!" And almost instantly, Kuro Kura, or just Kuro, shut my body down as if to save me from any more embarrassment, and I fainted.

"Woah, the fu*king pink haired bit*h swears almost as much as I do! But why the fu*k wasn't she doing it before?" 'Katsumi' exclaimed, racing over to the girl and poking her with the hilt of his three-bladed scythe.

"Hidan, stop it! We had to spend enough money on the disguises to get here; they ripped and disappeared when we changed, and I don't want to spend more money to get even more disguises! And they'd have to be real, good expensive ones because we're exiting Konoha's best medic's house! Leave her! We need a place to stay!" 'Tomiko' hissed, using his thick, grey tendrils to drag his partner back, although the silver haired man was kicking and screaming.

"What about what Leader-sama thinks, Kakuzu, yeah?" 'Akemi' asked as another member ran over to the unconscious girl 7 metres away.

"Waahh! T-um, Akihiko likes pretty lady! Akihiko-"

"Hush, Tobi, let us see what Leader-sama thinks. Deidara?" 'Fuyu no Hana' or 'Fuyu' asked, and turned to the boy, who groaned, gritting his teeth as he turned to the hyperactive raven.

"Tobi is a good boy if he listens to Leader-sama's speech."

"Waahh! Deidara-senpai!" The raven haired boy cried out, jumping to hug his senpai, who, at the last possible moment, jumped away, leaving the three behind him forced down to the ground.

"Tch, get off of me. I'll get you back for this, brat." 'Akane' growled, trying feebly along with the other two to get the masked boy off of them, who, surprisingly or not, any way you looked at it, had them in a death grip.

"Deidara." 'Kuro' stated, but the blonde only walked up to their leader and bowed, knowing that he wouldn't let anyone touch the people respecting him.

"Oi, He-She! Get us out of here! The girl left 9 bottles of sake untouched!" But no one bothered to listen to 'Mizuki's' pleas as the place grew louder and louder with Hidan's cursing, everyone's complaints, and quite a few arguments-a few of them involving 'Shiro', who was being questioned on why he wasn't helping the trio when all he had to do was eat the nuisance hanging off of them.

The leader took a deep breath unnoticeably and sighed, opening his mouth.

"**SILENCE!" **Everyone looked at their leader and began to shut up before realising that he hadn't spoken. They looked around until they found a heaving Sakura who was clutching her forehead. "You're all so damned loud that I woke up right after I friggin' passed out! Shut up and let me sleep! And there are clothes in the closet; Blondie and Winter Flower know where it is; I don't wanna wake up to find 9 men naked in my house because, criminals or not, I will castrate you all and shove your balls down your throat. I'll wake up in a few hours…Night!" And then she collapsed on the floor again, snoring away. Everyone sweatdropped, although the ones that were 'too-cool-to-show-it' did so inwardly.

"Since that has been taken care of, I shall begin." 'Teiji' spoke with a voice that literally oozed authority, and everyone, even the most unwilling to listen to the leader, looked up. "We have been taken in by Sakura Haruno, the killer of Sasori. After serious thought, I have decided that we will…"


	2. Chapter 2

"SSAAAKUURRAA-CHAN! WHERE ARE YOU?!" Screamed Naruto, running through said girl's house as if it was his own - it practically was, seeing as he basically lived there.

"Mmh, Naruto, shut uuuuup! I had like 13 bottles of sake, and hearing you scream like the world's ending **is not helping**!" Sakura grumbled back, holding her head. She knew that he couldn't hear her from her training room, but still! The blonde could be so, so - ugh!

_"Baka! I said that I needed time to sleep, but noooo, he just has to come and wake me up! Jeez, does no one have any sense of decency these days or does Naruto just not have any ears?!" _Sakura began to rant, settling down on her inner mind beige couch. She propped her feet up onto her coffee table leisurely, but still leaned her head on her left hand and huffed angrily.

**_"Uhh, Kura?"_ **Kuro walked carefully towards the dominant spirit and prodded her cautiously.

_"I mean, I specifically told him that I'd wake up in a few hours!" _Sakura, however, wasn't listening - merely staring out the window and into her mind.

**_"Kura?" _**Losing her patience quite quickly was not a good thing - especially in this kind of a situation - and so Kuro began to poke harder.

_"Or did he just not-" _Sakura was still glaring out her mind window, somehow ignoring her inner's loud prompts.

**_"KURA!"_**And Kuro, it seemed, didn't like that.

_"Woah, calm down there, missy. What got you so riled up? Usually **you're** the one to pound Naruto into the ground for not listening to-" _Sakura was about to toss her head to the side in fake irritation when she caught the nervous anger on Kuro's face.

**_"That's it, Kura! Naruto didn't do anything wrong - YOU told the AKATSUKI to leave you alone to sleep for a few hours!" _**Inner fell to the ground in irritation and silently began to count down the seconds until Sakura realised what had happened.

_"Ohhh, yeah! Now I remember! I told the - holy sh*t, Kuro, the Akatsuki is here!" _The forementioned girl only tilted her head in confusion.

**_"Yeah, I know...and?"_**

_"And, you idiot - who, I might add, is not a part of my awesome brain- Naruto is charging through our house right now..." _

**_"..."_**

_"Kuro?"_

**_"..."_**

_"3, 2, 1..."_

**_"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! KURA GET YOUR ASS UP AND STOP TALKING TO ME! We're in damned danger just by talking to them! Stupid DANZO will execute you if he ever finds out!" _**

And then Kuro not-so-gracefully shoved Sakura out of their little chat room and into cold, hard reality where blonde haired 'besties' run around like angry bulls.

* * *

><p>"We have been taken in by Sakura Haruno, the killer of Sasori. After serious thought, I have decided that we will…"<p>

"SSAAAKUURRAA-CHAN! WHERE ARE YOU?!" Everyone in the room - save for Sakura who had drifted off to talk to Kuro once more and Pein who had expected it long ago- stilled and tensed at the sound of the Kyuubi container's voice. What were they supposed to do now? Naruto would surely check the training room, and Sakura was in lalaland! They were quiet for a few moments before...

"Shit!" Hidan exclaimed, looking towards his leader and fellow Akatsuki members **(God, that felt so formal!) **in annoyance. "What are we supposed to do now?!"

Pein merely sighed heavily. "Nothing, because, as much as this will hurt your over-inflated ego's, we cannot take on the Kyuubi when he thinks that we are...taking advantage of Miss Haruno. The two have a quite...interesting history when it comes to her being in trouble." Before he could even register the defeated looks of the men in front of him - Konan didn't exactly want to attack the Kyuubi when she knew Pein was right - a light giggle was heard from behind the Akatsuki (and as much as they'd all hate to admit it, the malice in it made them all cringe - though no one would ever catch them saying that).

"We sure do, Pein, although I was...infatuated with your brother, Itachi, for a while. Anyways, I'mma go shut the chatterbox up now - see you later!"

And she left their questions unanswered once more as she sped out of the room.

* * *

><p>"Sakura-chan! There you are! I've been wanting to see you all day!" The pinkette merely sighed in irritation.<p>

"Yes, Naruto, I am here. Now that you have seen me, will you please go away?!" She asked angrily, a forced smile pulling at her lips as she tried to shove her best friend out of her house.

"SAKURA-CHAN! Don't be like that!" Naruto frowned at her weak attempts to remove him.

"Naruto I've had 13 bottles of sake and you've just so happened to wake me up before I had a chance to get rid of my hangover. Well done! Now get out before I stop trying to politely get you out and just create another hole in my wall, huh?!" Sakura asked threateningly. Naruto only managed a small whimper before he dashed out of her house like it was the Devil's - and, when he thought about it later, Naruto would always claim that it might as well have been.

Sighing, Sakura stopped mid-stride on her journey back to her bed, sensing several sets of eyes on her. "It happens whenever I get drunk, okay? Naruto knows when to get out. Now for some sleeping arrangements..." Sakura would forever swear that she had never seen the Akatsuki more scared than they then, when she turned around to find their heads peeking out of the training room door.


End file.
